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The Dopamine Trap: Why Teenagers (and Adults) Keep Returning to Behaviors They Say They Don’t Like

Ever notice how we often get stuck in behaviors we claim to dislike? Whether it’s overthinking, getting caught up in drama, or procrastinating, we somehow keep doing it. Why? Because, deep down, a part of our brain actually enjoys these patterns—even if we consciously don’t. That sneaky brain of ours rewards us with dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical, and keeps us coming back for more. Dopamine isn’t just about pleasure—it’s about reward. And it’s not picky. Even when we’re stressed or frustrated, if a behavior gives us some hidden payoff (like validation, attention, or control), our brain gets hooked. That’s why we keep repeating behaviors we think we don’t like. What makes it tricky is that the brain doesn’t distinguish between positive and negative habits when it comes to dopamine. You might say you don’t like procrastinating or engaging in negative self-talk, but if these behaviors offer even a tiny reward—like avoiding discomfort or getting sympathy from others— dopamine is...

What Is True Success? A Reflection for Parents

A few days ago, we all woke up to the news of Ratan Tata’s passing. Since then, I’ve been reading countless stories about how he impacted the lives of so many people—those he knew and even those he didn’t. It got me thinking, What does true success really look like? While I was mulling over this, my daughter came to me excitedly, sharing how one of her classmates had scored a perfect 100/100 in their mid-term exams. I could see it in her eyes—she saw that as success. And why wouldn’t she? As kids, they’re constantly shown that grades are a way to be recognized, praised, and celebrated. It’s natural for them to think that’s the ultimate goal. But as we started talking more, it hit me how much the idea of success changes as we grow up. For kids, success often starts with those grades or trophies. As adults, though, our definitions can shift in so many directions. For some, it’s about climbing the career ladder, making money, or gaining recognition. For others, it’s more about perso...

True legacy of great parenting

As parents, we all want the best for our children. We pour our hearts into their education, make financial plans for their future, and work hard to give them the life we dream of for them. It’s only natural to want to secure their happiness and success. But in focusing on these external investments, we sometimes miss something even more important—the way we parent. Our children’s true ability to thrive in life depends not just on what we provide for them, but on the guidance and emotional support we offer along the way. It’s natural to believe that providing a solid education and financial safety net will equip our children for the future. These are important pillars of security, but they alone don’t guarantee that our children will grow into fulfilled, emotionally balanced, and resilient individuals. True happiness and success stem from qualities that no amount of money or education can buy—empathy, resilience, confidence, emotional intelligence, and the ability to navigate life...

Institution of Marriage beyond what we see

In recent years, I've found myself reflecting on a question that resonates with many: "Why the institution of marriage?" It's a question that often leads to a shrug of the shoulders, yet it carries significant weight, particularly for today's youth. Many of them wonder: if marriage is merely a social expectation to stay together, why bother with it? A couple of weeks ago, I lost my father-in-law. I remember the first time I met him, 25 years ago, and addressed him as "Uncle." He gently corrected me, saying, "From now on, it's Papa." Little did I know the profound impact of those words. Although life circumstances didn’t allow me to live with my in-laws frequently, a deep bond formed—one that mirrored the love and respect between a parent and child. There are no words to fully capture the depth of loss when you lose a parent. It's as if a vacuum is created within you, one that no one else can fill. The strange thing is, the emotions are...

Nurturing Open Minds in Parenting

Knowledge can be both liberating and constraining. While it empowers us with understanding, it also has the potential to limit our worldview if we become entrenched in singular perspectives. The skill we must cultivate is not just acquiring knowledge, but also embracing a learning mindset that actively seeks out new information and diverse viewpoints. In the evolution of human consciousness, this shift from individual to collective awareness is pivotal. Moving beyond the confines of "I consciousness" to "we consciousness" signifies a recognition of our interconnectedness. In this interconnected world, the boundaries of self-interest blur, giving rise to a deeper sense of community and shared responsibility. Parents play a crucial role in nurturing this mindset in their children. By encouraging curiosity and teaching empathy, parents can instill a foundation of respect for diverse perspectives. Modeling open-mindedness and fostering discussions that explore different...

The Power of 'No': Cultivating Compassionate Communication Through Parenting

How often do we hear the words "yes" and "no" each day? Take a moment to reflect on the journey between these responses. The spectrum ranges from a firm "No" to someone who can't say "No," to those who sugarcoat their response, and finally to those who easily say "Yes." Think of a time when you made a heartfelt request, filled with love and care, only to be met with a plain "No." The impact of that two-letter word can be so strong that it takes the entire day to recover, as the emotional shift it causes is intense. Let's also consider the perspective of the person who says "No." Their brain interprets the request in a way that triggers memories or survival instincts. This makes the word "No" carry a deeper, heavier feeling. There will be many times in our lives when we might disagree with what someone is asking of us. The crucial part is how we express our response. This skill can be nurtured by par...