Why Teenagers Don’t Talk to Their Parents (and What We Can Do About It)

Few months back during a conversation with my 19 year old I was trying to understand where we as parents are missing out to connect with our teenage children. Interestingly the more he shared the more I was in surprise as to how much we miss. I have tried to narrow down what we discussed in below points.   

Why teenagers don’t talk to their parents

• Parents' Authority and Lack of Acknowledgment

In the past, when kids tried to express themselves, parents often responded with authority, shutting down the conversation without really listening. This teaches many teenagers that their parents wouldn’t understand or value what they have to say. As a result, they keep things to themselves, assuming their thoughts and feelings won’t be acknowledged.

• Fear of Being Vulnerable

Teenagers also worry about being judged or criticized if they tell the truth. Being honest can make them feel exposed and vulnerable, and they fear negative reactions. This fear makes them less likely to open up, keeping their real thoughts and feelings hidden.

Why Teenagers Don’t Listen to Their Parents

• I know the downside but know only this approach

Many a time teenagers are very well aware of the possible result of their actions but they don't know any other strategy to satisfy their need. When we as parents reach our children with logic why they should not do something it does not answers their problem. It is only through patience we as parents can try to understand why they are doing what they are doing and then propose a different strategy for their need. 

• Different Perspectives

Parents often think their way is the best because of their life experience. But when they insist their solution is the only right one, it can come off as dismissive of their teenager’s perspective. This attitude can make teenagers less likely to listen or take advice.

How to Improve Communication

• Collaborative Problem Solving

Instead of sticking to “My solution is the only solution,” try shifting to “I understand your need; let’s find a better way to meet it.” This approach shows that you’re acknowledging their needs and willing to work together to find a good solution.

• Show Understanding and Build Connection

When you acknowledge your teenager’s needs, you show them that their feelings matter. This builds a stronger connection and makes them more likely to open up. When they feel heard, they’re also more open to considering your advice.

• Change Your Approach

If you change your goal from asserting your authority to understanding and connecting with your teenager, your approach will naturally become more empathetic and effective. Listen actively, empathize with their perspective, and work together on finding solutions that work for both of you.

Bridging the communication gap with your teenager isn’t impossible. By understanding why they might not talk or listen and by changing the way we communicate, we can build stronger, more open relationships with our kids. It’s all about creating a safe space where they feel heard and respected, and where they’re more willing to listen and share.

Happy reading 

Manika